Grieving is the hardest thing you will ever have to live through. Everyone grieves differently and for different lengths of time. It is all a very personalized experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve but the one thing it certainly is, is excruciatingly painful. I know from my own personal experiences having lost my father, mother, two sisters and a husband. It pains me as a caring person and as a psychic/medium/empath, when I see others grieving. I just want to reach out and do something to ease their pain. I suppose that is why I decided to do this post on grieving and the loss of a beloved one. Mother’s Day has just recently passed and I was reading through my social media accounts seeing so many people missing their moms – as am I.
When a person dies, the ones they leave behind go through a lot of pain trying to cope with the loss and huge change it makes in their lives. It is hard to come to terms knowing you will no longer be able to see that person again. Yes, they live on in your memories and in your heart but they are no longer tangible to hug, kiss and hold. It may not be the same, but that person that is no longer with us just made a transformation from one type of reality into another one. Depending on what type of human they were in this reality and their circumstances when they passed on, will determine their immediate afterlife experience. They need to adjust to their transition just as you do. In any case, they are closer than you may think.
So many people tend to blame themselves for things they did or didn’t do when the person they loved passed away. They start with the ‘what ifs’ and ‘I wish I would/wouldn’t have’ or ‘I never go to tell them’ kind of thing. It is really natural to do that. People will literally punish themselves over everything they can possibly think of that they feel bad about. No one is perfect and in all honesty, you shouldn’t beat yourself up about it. When a person passes on, most are greeted by loved ones who have previously passed. Some are greeted by angels or appropriate entities to guide them and help them to make their transition.
One thing that I have always found to happen is that the loved one who passed will attend their own funeral. They will stick around the same day or next day to try to comfort you. If no service is held, they will come back for a very brief time to say goodbye, but please keep in mind that this is not a final goodbye – it never is. They will and do come back again to keep an eye on you and visit.
After the funeral is complete, the deceased makes their way to their new destination and has a reunion with those who they have waited a long time to see. Even if one of their loved ones has passed a very long time ago and is now in another life, they still visit with them because we all have the capability to be out of our body. The soul will leave the body during sleep to join this joyous reunion. The judgment that we hear about is really our own judgment that we perform upon reviewing the life we just lived to see if we met our goals and life lessons. Some spirits go through a stage where they need to recuperate from their last life a little longer than others may have to.
When a person dies and moves on to their new destination – or goes home or heaven if that is what you refer to it as, that spirit not only retains all of the memories of the life they just lived, but they also regain all of the memories from any other life no matter where it was or how long ago it was. They retain memories of everything that happens between lives as well. They have the ability to come back to visit you or anyone else they choose to, even if that person or being is not of this world or dimension – or even universe. Time is something that doesn’t apply to them as well but in order for us to understand better, time moves faster there than it does here. To them, you will be back with them in no time. It is like you took a few months vacation but will be back soon. To us – decades go by and it feels like a very long time.
Your deceased loved one has other abilities once they pass on as well. They understand your life path – probably better than you do. They can read your spiritual beacon – as well as other entities – and know what life lessons you are going through. They have a deep understanding of why you did what you did or didn’t do what you didn’t do. They are free from the burden of guilt, hate, jealousy – they are not seeing something you may have done as mean or however you feel they may have felt about it. They just understand the human condition but they can see into your heart so if you love them, they will know it and feel it. Something else they can do is hear you – and see you. You can and should talk to them. If you are feeling bad about something – go ahead and talk to them about it. If you are upset because you didn’t say goodbye, them tell them how you feel. Maybe you won’t hear their response; maybe you won’t see their face or feel that hug but they are there. Maybe you will hear/see/feel or sense something. Either way, they are really there and they can really understand what you are saying and feeling. I have had EVP after EVP of spirits telling me they can hear and see their loved ones all the time. There is no reason to feel guilty or bad. Also, it is never too late to ‘make up’ with someone or express your feelings. They totally get it – even more than you may understand this to be because they now are a totally spiritual being capable of supernatural thoughts and perception.
If a person dies but does not realize they are deceased, they will retain the focus of the life they were just living. This means that they feel they are still alive and they do not have any memories of any of their past lives or what happens in between those lives. They are more than likely a little confused because they will usually notice something just isn’t quite right; however, time still is not ticking away like it does here so they may feel the way we do when we are in a dream state. Things make sense in the dream but when you wake up, you are like – ‘what the heck’? They won’t say ‘what the heck’ till they ‘wake up’. If your loved one is constantly around, they may not be aware that they have passed. Of course don’t jump to conclusions because many spirits hang around a lot at first.
Don’t become upset if your loved one doesn’t seem to come around at all. This does not mean they are not there. Many times our grieving can block our senses from tuning into their energies so we may not think they are there but they really are. Also, as time passes – your loved one may not come to visit quite as often as they may have before and there are many reasons for this. As time moves forward, they become more and more involved with their new life. They could take on projects or work as a guide for someone else. They could also reincarnate but it seems there tends to be an average of about 80 years before doing that. There are no set rules though. They could resume things they had interests in from before their carnation. Even if they are busy doing lots of things, they will still come when you call them and they do still come for most special occasions and holidays. They still hear when you speak to them so if they are on your mind, let them know.
Many deceased loved ones appear to you in dreams because it is much easier for them to appear visible and audible in your dream subconscious state than in your waking conscious state. In dreams you can speak with them and hug them. It is also easier for them because they can more easily tune into your subconscious frequency plus while you are asleep, your conscious blocks are not as strongly enforced.
Late at night is a great time to speak with your loved ones but any time is fine really. At night, you might be able to sense a response better than during the day. This is because things quiet down at night. The house is quieter; everyone is slowing down and wrapping up the day. During these more quiet times, you feel more relaxed and therefore are more open and aware of subtle things. Your loved one will usually communicate in very subtle ways. Picture them in your mind or look at a picture of them. Ask them to come to you. Try to imagine that they are right in front of you. You can place a shadow such as a silhouette in front of your mind’s eye or you can just know that they are there. These are some techniques to help you to focus and tune in. Take the time to use your senses to tune into their energy. Do you feel their presence? Do you feel as though someone is watching you? Can you hear anything? Do you smell a certain scent? Keep in mind that what you will more than likely perceive are psychic impressions. These impressions are very subtle and they are not of a physical substance. If you sense them there, it will not be a touch but a gut feeling or your hairs standing on end – maybe you get some goose bumps. If you hear them, it will be more like when you have a conversation between you and another person and then you retrieve that conversation. You can hear that person’s voice in your head but your physical ears do not hear it. Psychic hearing is when the spirit talks directly to your mind – just like the conversation recall in your head. You could even have a special song pop into your mind. You could get little flashes of information in your mind’s eye. You might visualize a color, a symbol or picture something. You could smell perfume, cigarettes or any scent that may be associated with them. Sometimes, what you may get from them may not seem like something they would send you but it may be all that they are capable of. This was the case with my niece. When her father died, he would leave the scent of apples to all that he came to visit but he didn’t seem to be too particularly fond of apples nor did that really hold any meaning to her or anyone in the family. They just came to know that was him and now that he is capable of producing more intricate manifestations, he uses apples because it creates that warm feeling to his family members. I even got an EVP for my niece from a seance session we did where he left the EVP message – apple.
Another important matter to address is a hard one but many people do not realize that an extreme sense of grief could actually prevent your loved one from moving on. Some people actually bind a loved one to the Earth plane, not allowing them to move on to the place of peace where they should be. They don’t usually do this on purpose but they are so desperate to not let them go, their loved one becomes trapped. It is very important to address extreme grieving and denial issues with the death of a loved one for both the mental health of yourself and the future life of your loved one. If they are already deceased, then you would want them to live as happy as possible so you need to let them move on. They also want to see you live as happy as you can. It hurts them to see you so depressed and miserable.
The best way to handle the loss of a loved one is to not blame yourself for anything, talk to your loved one often, know that they are there with you still, know that you will see them again, handle extreme denial and depression and meditate. Spend time with other family members making wonderful memories. Give yourself permission to grieve and forgive yourself or the deceased for things you might be regretting or holding grudges for. Enjoy the memories you have together. It is the end of a cycle and the beginning of a new life for all involved. Take your time and don’t let anyone tell you that you have to get over it or just move on. The loss of a loved one will always be there with you but it is very true that time does make it easier – believe it or not.
I felt so alone, lost and abandoned when my mom passed away 21 years ago. When she was dying, she was in an induced coma so she wouldn't feel pain. When I went to the hospital to say goodbye, she managed to lift an eyelid and give me a subtle smile which should have been impossible for her to do. I told her that I loved her but that it was ok to go home and be happy because I was going to be just fine. I knew I had to make sure she felt ok to leave because she was hanging onto life even though there was nothing else that could have saved her at that point. She passed on shortly after. I felt as though someone had dropped me off in some far away foreign place where I was all alone and totally desolate. It took me almost a year and a half before I could lift my mood almost back to what it was and my ex-husband used to tell me over and over again that I just needed to get over it. Now, when I remember my mom, I smile and remember so many of the wonderful and fantastic times we shared. It doesn’t make me cry; it makes me smile. Sure, after 21 years I may get a tear or two from time to time but she is a wonderful memory and a person that I will always be honored to have had in my life. I still have her in my life as she comes to see me and it is fantastic.
I have received many EVPs from spirits of deceased loved ones for so many of my clients. The spirits leave messages of love and comfort. I have had EVPs saying I love you, don’t worry, they confirm they are happy and well, they say that they watch over their loved ones, they say don’t feel bad, they are near them, they know they miss them, they miss them too, it was their time to go. They confirmed they were present at their loved ones birthday. They confirmed they were at their own funeral. They confirmed information to validate their passing. There are so many EVPs that I have received to back up my own psychic communications with thousands of entities so I can say with confidence that the ones you love and miss with all your heart are still there – in a different form – but there to love and comfort you. They want you to live your life and be happy. Seeing that is what makes them happy so live your life and let them see your smile. Let them live happy too. You will see them again but not until you are meant to.
I'm Cher, a psychic medium, paranormal investigator, extensive paranormal researcher, spiritual teacher, intuitive counselor, hypnotist of past life regression,writer, exorcist in training and founder of PsychicMyst Paranormal Network. I have over 37 years of total professional experience.